ice

it’s just another sleepless night…my head’s throbbing but still, i refuse to sleep. i wanna do something but i don’t know what to do. the problem is: i don’t know what that some thing is. my eyes are still blood shot. during these times, i prefer to wear my glasses just to cover my eyes’ color.

for a lot of times that we went out, last night seems to be the shortest one. before, we usually got home around four in the morning. things change but it’s really nice to realize and feel that no matter what some things never change.

OMG…ang dmi ko talagang reklamo when i’m not feeling well…when mainit…i think i have to undergo “stress management.”hehe..one of the most unforgettable incident and accident that happened when i was such in a foul mood was during barops..it was the first sunday for the bar exams. it was so hot and im not used to the idea of waking up in the wee hours. it was almost 1pm and we haven’t had our lunch yet..after a long walk under the sun we saw this place near burgundy tower, we decided to eat there..when i was about to enter the place, there’s this classmate of mine- a guy- who pushed me..twice or thrice..and his voice wasn’t so pleasing to my ears..know what i did? i kicked him..i kicked him again..hehe

but of course, when i cooled down..i apologized..his actions were not cool that time but then, my response wasn’t either..hehe

i thought it was gonna be my doomsday yesterday…but thank God it wasn’t. it’s a dilemma that’s been going on in my mind for few weeks already..i got a midterm grade of 73 in constitutioal law II..just like my exam in criminal law II, i wasn’t able to finish studying the coverage for our exam..mas malala yata nangyari sa crim ko..considering that it’s a 4-unit subject, i forced myself to study hard. stayed in seattle’s best until almost 6 am of sunday, slept for almost 4 hours…went back to seattle’s to study..all of a sudden i felt that my temperature was rising and i started to have such a terrible headache. i know i have to go home. when monday came, i still wasn’t feeling well. but i have no choice but to take the exam. hoping that my recitation grade for the finals did not drop below 94.haha..wednesday came..time for consti..i think i only studied for almost 3 hours..it scared the hell out of me..thank God coz when i started answering the problems, my answers seem so right. i really hope they are.haha

last stop tomorrow would be oblicon-landia..and then next week im outta here..

It’s the best time of the year. How I love the lights along roads, streets and houses. It’s really fascinating to see those lights floating on the river. It’s like a fantasy. It lifts my heart and spirit. It feels like this is the lightest month of the year for me. Some people may not appreciate it especially with the economic crisis aside from perennial problems our country is currently facing. Some complain of how the prices of commodities sky rocketed. Others complain of not having anything on top of the table during noche buena.

As for myself, what I really wish for is the happiness of my family. When we were kids, my tito and tita and my parents would be home for this very special time of the year. I love it when I hear a lot of voices and laughter. I love to b surrounded by the persons I love and those persons who love me. I have a comfortable life. I wouldn’t complain. That would constitute as ungratefulness. Of course, I know how to appreciate things. Over and over again, nothing beats happy times. Material things will soon fade and be forgotten. Memories are forever.

I do hope that whatever each of us is going through, we would always remember why we celebrate Christmas. It’s the birth of our Lord- Jesus Christ. As such, let’s fill the air with love and make others feel the real essence of the Season.

I’m not happy…Hopefully, the next time I’m gonna post something it will definitely be about positive things or happy thoughts..I feel so demotivated. I’m always anxious..I don’t wanna be in this place anymore..Guess where I am now.hehe

Hopefully, after an hour or so..they’ll have good news for me..Yun lang..haaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy….

As they say..”we can’t have all the things we want at the same time”…we must definitely give up something..

I know I have to choose..I wanna do a lot of things but then, there’s only one me..

I’m starting to get really pissed off. I wanna have time for myself and live a stress-free life even for just a few days. I don’t wanna think..as in!! I don’t wanna think about things..Can’t we just freeze time even for just a while??!! It’s so suffocating..I’m starting to feel pain in my stomach because of this stress..well, is there a plural for stress? If there is, that would be a more accurate term.

It’s the first day of the month and ******! I don’t know whether I should be happy about what’s going on.I’m experiencing some drastic changes in the days to come but I wasn’t expecting the other.

Good thing though that I already told our landlord that I would be moving out next month since Tita advised me to look for a place near the school. Of course, I wanna heed her advice. She’d been there before.

There are also some concerns in my family which I don’t wanna talk about. They are emotional baggages that I refuse to carry with me.

School…school..well, that’s what boredom can do..But to be honest, I’ve been waiting for so long to do it. There were also some points that I’ve decided not to pursue it. But then, Papa wants me to pursue it. Well, i’m gonna give it a shot..I also feel that if I won’t, it will be the biggest regret in my life. Not to mention that I wanted to enrol in another school. That’s another story but for the record..that school did not accept my application for admission since some of the requirements are lacking. I ended enrolling in the other school where Papa wants me to study. I actually opted to go back to Iloilo but then, I still have a work here and I like my life here..independent but not financially..hehe..I still working on my budgeting skills.hehe

Also, there are really some people who are careless and they can sleep with the fishes. One way nga! It’s quite embarassing and unfortunate but my left foot got ran over by that rusty old car. I’m lucky na hindi ako na tetanu. That happened in front of the Supreme Court because I was on my way to see Tita there. Now..I’m having a slight phobia sa mga umaatras na sasakyan..Good thing that I have health bones.haha

Weekend..it was kinda busy but nice..I went malling with my family last Saturday..magastos but then it’s worth the fun..Smoking was prohibited though. My cousin keeps on ranting about it..Ok..I was a good girl except for 15 minutes..

Sunday, I woke up early..we have to go to MOA for my baby cousin’s sun bathing session..we ate breakfast at McDo and went to Ocean Park after..Airport would be the next destination..good thing that i didnt cry.hehe

This morning, we were informed that the office is moving out of Makati and transfer to the company’s new site in Commonwealth..nice subsidy though..Question is, will I be staying? I dont know..It was really stressful..especially that I wasnt able to come to work last Friday..I overslept..I just woke up when JC called me..grrhh..I couldnt move on yet..

And..the pictures taken at Club Manila East are missing..grrhh…grhhh..I was so excited to print those pictures..They were nice..Nino and I were planning before to post those pics..Friends na kc kmi..But sa past life, we were enemies..right?hehe..There were also a lot of spoofs there..

I’m whining again..I wanna have a dose of my coffee but then..gastritis..I wanna eat..as in food trip..but then..gastritis..

Whatever!! Whatever!!

Think postively..Eventually this will pass soon..

Ayoko ko nang mag VL muna..3 months ago, I filed for a vacation leave because I went home. A week after I got back here, nag sick leave naman ako..Again, 2 weeks ago, I had my vacation leave and I went to Iloilo. It’s so nostalgic. Nasa NAIA palang ako, I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry.Mixed emotions again. I looked stupid. Unfortunately, some things can come to an end so soon. I have to say good bye to them again for the mean time. Again, I have my crying moments..I’m too old for that but I can’t still help but cry when faced with situations like that..Been crying for a few days after I got back here..There’s nothing new with that I guess..hehe..Seems like I’ve been doing it for countless times already. I hate leaving/ goodbyes whether it’s temporary or not.

Yesterday, I was on vacation leave again. I went to MOA to meet Biboy. It’s nice seeing your friends in a somewhat strange place. It makes you feel like your at-home even for the mean time. After that, I saw Philip. Both are my close friends..so..chaka..I felt sad again..

So..as usual..it’s my refuge when I’m feeling so lost..toinkz..run to Taft..not literally though..I ride a jeepney or a cab..Funny because last week when I had my sick leave, I went somewhere to unwind..While in the cab, I was crying..parang tanga lang..buti di ako pinansin nang taxi driver.hehe..To continue, I ate dinner at my friend’s place.Syempre, haven’t eaten 2-3 consecutive meals na..walang gna sa sobrang drama.hehe..I went home before 10 pm since I’m already tired and I haven’t brought any extra clothes with me and wala na akong stock dun.hehe

before sleeping, I drank coffee..one of my stress and anxiety reliever.I know a lot will disagree with that but it works for me..Coffee soothes me..not to mention with some sticks and music..kahit ano basta I can feel na my music sa bahay..my mumu kc dun eh..sabi ni jp n rea..don’t wanna see it for myself though..

Well, that was yesterday..and today is another day..I’m still alive..but as usual, walang tulog.hehe

A week ago, I was in the airport waiting for my flight to Iloilo. I was then exchanging several text messages with my friends there. It seems unbelievable at first. I felt flattered cause several friends offered that they would fetch me at the airport.hehe…
…….Im speechless..dont know what to say next.. I guess if I’ll continue this post I’d be drowning in my own tears and would be catching the next flight back there.hehe
(kuno abi lang..pati ka gadali lang ko k ma coffee pa kmi.hehe)

It may be normal for other persons..but it’s something new for me.Rest Day!Just that..But then again, its something new to me after some weeks.Now that there is a “change of heart”, im back on track..It’s kinda difficult though.Withdrawal symptoms.But I know, I’ll get use to this.Like I always do and like I did, a long time ago.

Funny though and this is one of the things why I DON”T wanna be human.Being humane equals emotions.I don’t like being emotional. I don’t wanna be caught off guard. Especially when you’re really desperate to  get some thing off you’re mind and system. Sometimes, you opt to cry your heart out. Hoping that  it would be the last time that you’ll do that for that specific issue. Hoping that what you feel will die out eventually.Or better yet, sooner than expected.

In a book written by Paulo Coehlo entitled By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept there are lines there that say “Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing what to do is the worst kind of suffering.” It’s heartbtreaking.

Now, I feel somewhat relieved because I’m in control of my life again. My schedules, routine, etc. It feels great to be by myself again and with my friends.